I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I cannot find my penis.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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