Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
