omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
