you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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