Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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