I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
