Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
that is very illegal...i love you.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
