If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
