I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
