Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
