I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
