I just made out with a guy for $7.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
