I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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