Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
