You smell like stripper and shame
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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