They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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