I love black thongs
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
