Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
