Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
