i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
