3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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