also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
