Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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