i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Someone came in the potted fern
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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