i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
