she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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