I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
