seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
