How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
