Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
