my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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