i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
