Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
