I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
