i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
