We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
