If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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