you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
