I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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