SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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