just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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