I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's official drugs can't kill me
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
