Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
