Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
