Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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