He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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