plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
