I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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