He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
not ubering you a puppy
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize