Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
