He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Panties = found
Randomize
