Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
