If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
