watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
