Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
