marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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