yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you told grandpa to call you daddy
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
