Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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