Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
jump out the window naked night went bad
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
