I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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