my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
