Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
