does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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