im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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