So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
