fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
