You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
