I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I came so hard my ears popped.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
