i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
