Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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