I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I wish there were birth control emojis
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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