Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
