so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
