I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
