you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize