Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I cannot find my penis.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
