just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
