when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i wish my penis had a tongue
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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