Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
did i walk over a car last night?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
